Wednesday July 2, 2003

~ Love that does not fear death ~

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether in life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

— Philippians 1:20-26 (NIV) —

Living to die… That’s pure insanity if I’ve ever heard it. “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” is what he says. Looking heavenward. Keeping his heart set upon eternity. That is the only way I can make sense of it. Now this is someone who is serious about his walk with God.

He talks calmly about dying and joining Christ… or living for “fruitful labor” That’s enough for this dude. Working for God. Dying for God. Nothing more… Glory to God regardless of whether the glory is by his life… or from his death. He must be firmly convinced of Jesus and sure of what is highest priority.

I don’t think I can speak about life and death as ways to glorify God. Too attached to this world to look forward toward eternity. 🙁

Father, continue to work in this heart. A heart that does not see as You do… it strains to satisfy itself in worldly things, when true peace can only come from You. Forgive me for not seeking to serve you better, Lord. Forgive me, sinner, saved only by blood shed by Your Son. I pray all these things in the name of our Redeemer, Jesus. Amen.

== EDIT: Digression Progressing… (feel free to skip) ==

Stole this survey off of singjoyfulee2
<>< piercings = I only have the holes God gave me…
<>< tattoos = nope
<>< height = 5’10”
<>< shoe size = 9 1/2
<>< hair color = brown
<>< length = bowl

LAST…
<>< movie you rented = can’t remember
<>< movie you bought = can’t remember
<>< song you listened to = can’t remember
<>< song that was stuck in your head = Dance Like Sunday
<>< cd you bought = no clue
<>< cd you listened to = custom christian contemporary mix
<>< person you’ve called = Gonzo
<>< person that’s called you = Miss Elusive
<>< tv show you’ve watched = Smallville
<>< person you were thinking of = citygirl

DO…
<>< you have a bf or gf = nope
<>< you have a crush on someone = nope
<>< you wish you could live somewhere else = not really…
<>< you think about suicide = not lately, God keeps me busy~
<>< you believe in online dating = no clue, how is that dating???
<>< others find you attractive = hahaha, as a friend.
<>< you want more piercings = No.
<>< you drink = yes
<>< you do drugs = MJ contact high?
<>< you smoke = secondhand… *hack hack*
<>< you like cleaning = no, but I do sometimes get obsessive
<>< you like roller coasters = NO WAY… fear of heights + fear of falling = screams of “mommie!”
<>< you write in cursive or print = cursive, nasty enough to almost be doctor…
<>< you carry a donor card = YES! I don’t need them afterward anyway…

FOR OR AGAINST…
<>< long distance relationships = neither, the jury’s still out on this one…
<>< using someone = against, but unfortunately, that makes me a hypocrite.
<>< killing people = murder, yes. killing, no.
<>< teenage smoking = If you want to kill yourself, who’s gonna stop you?
<>< premarital sex = depends upon which part of me you’re talking to….
<>< driving drunk = gah! against, against!!
<>< gay/lesbian relationship = personally, I don’t care. My God says otherwise…
<>< soap operas = ack! but then again, isn’t Smallville the same thing… just different packaging??

FAVORITE…
<>< food = oxtail soup, vietnamese hoagie, water ice, filet mignon, lots more where that came from…
<>< song = not at the moment…too many good songs to pick just one.
<>< thing to do = talking with friends…
<>< thing to talk about = God, life, relationships, psychology…
<>< question = Why?
<>< sports = is hacky sack a sport? Tennis then…
<>< drinks = soda, apple juice…
<>< clothes = Third Hand, baby!
<>< movies = Schindler’s List, Count of Monte Cristo, …
<>< band/singer = N/A, I have very eccletic tastes…
<>< holiday = Easter / Thanksgiving
<>< new nerdy saying = muh?

HAVE YOU…
<>< ever cried over a girl = yes
<>< ever lied to someone = yes
<>< ever been in a fist fight = beatup, yes. one-on-one fighting, no. does wrestling over a gun count?
<>< ever been arrested = nope, rode in the back of a police cruiser though…

NUMBER…
<>< of times I have been in love? = I’ve redefined what love means, so the number is all messed up.
<>< of times I have had my heart broken? = too many times to count
<>< of hearts I have broken? = 1? maybe… not sure, not going to confirm…:-/
<>< of boys I have kissed? = ack! zilch, nil, nada. girls? 1
<>< of drugs taken illegally? = 1, MJ contact high…
<>< of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 3
<>< of people I consider my enemies? = 2, myself & Satan
<>< of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = 0
<>< of scars on my body? = 4 that I can remember…
<>< of things in my past that I regret? = 2 things that I can remember…

FAVORITE…
<>< disney movie = Anastasia
<>< scent = vanilla
<>< word = LOVE
<>< nickname = sammy
<>< guy name = Billy
<>< girl name = Linda
<>< eye color = green, no blue… no green… guh… hazel?
<>< flower = Rose
<>< actor = Sean Connery

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE…
<>< pretty = uh, I sure hope not.
<>< funny = sometimes
<>< hot = hahaha, and sweaty…
<>< friendly = stalker-ly so…
<>< amusing = lots of people say so…
<>< ugly = on the inside, plenty… on the outside, less so…
<>< loveable = YUP! *points to Jesus*
<>< pessimistic = not really, just grew up that way, so I can slip back into that…
<>< optimistic = very~ My God is a God of HOPE!
<>< caring = I’d like to think so, but in reality, probably not.
<>< sweet = hahahah, doubtful.
<>< dorky = very and proud of it.

<>< Spell your first name back wards = noH
<>< Are you straight? = last time I checked… perhaps I should try and check out a guy again… 0_0
<>< Where do you live? = S. Philly! (w/ the ‘rents)
<>< 4 words that sum you up = GOD AT WORK, HERE!

DESCRIBE YOUR –
<>< Wallet = too fat
<>< Hairbrush = non-existant
<>< Jewelry worn daily = necklace, jade heart
<>< Pillow cover = plaid
<>< Blanket = flowery
<>< Shoes = square
<>< What you are wearing now = shorts & b-day suit…
<>< Hair = bowl
<>< Make up = sporting sweat, sunburn and pimples…

WHO or WHAT
<>< Wishing = I could follow this God trail to the end…
<>< After this = Sleep, Chat, Xanga, Pray, Read da Book, something like that…
<>< Talking to = people online…
<>< Eating = rice & stirfried veggies
<>< Fetishes = legs. Not even gonna think further…>_<
<>< If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? = murder means I have to benefit from it somehow… I have no clue…
<>< Person you wish you could see right now = a friend that I could chill with…
<>< Is next to you = Phone, trackball, speakers, umbrella, radio, knife, plants…
<>< Something you’re looking forward to in this up coming month = FELLOWSHIP!!
<>< Something that you are deathly afraid of? = death, rejection…
<>< Do you like candles = yes
<>< Do you like hot wax = ?
<>< Do you like incense = no
<>< Do you like the taste of blood = guh~ do I look like a vampire to you???
<>< Do you believe in love = YES!
<>< Do you believe in soul mates = hmmm, not sure…
<>< Do you believe in love at first sight = hahahaha, no.
<>< Do you believe in forgiveness = yes, thank God…
<>< Do you believe in God = Straight up, baby!!!
<>< What do you want done with your body when you die = whatever, it won’t matter to me…
<>< Who is your worst enemy? = Myself
<>< If you could have any animal for a pet = dog…
<>< Can you eat with chopstick = dad says no, I’d say yes…
<>< What are some of your favorite pig out foods? = ice cream, chocolate, chips, baby carrots… I know, that last one is weird….
<>< whats something that you wish people would understand? = Life w/o God is useless…
<>< What’s something you wish you could understand better? = Life w/ God
<>< Anyone you miss that you haven’t seen in a long time? = good friends, old friends…
<>< Something you want to make happen for tomorrow? = God’s will! ^__^