Tuesday October 19, 2004

Dad, I don’t want to be filled with all this “other” stuff any more. It just doesn’t satisfy. I want more than sexual immorality, I want flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. I want more than just dancing and singing, but I want to praise in spirit and in truth. No more living vicariously through video games, I want to live life to the fullest. I don’t want to act like a little boy anymore, although I’ll always be Your child, I want to be man. You placed desire within my heart, show me how to use them to honor You. Show me the truth, show me where I am at, and show me the way. I trust that You are lighting the way for me, even when all around there is darkness and all I seem to do is stumble after You. Thank You for life, thank you for continuing Your good work in my life, thank you for showing me that I can be Your tool, even when I feel broken and useless, that great things can come from You through me, thank You for restoring me and thanks for the priceless gift salvation. Thanks for a job, even though I want something else, You have provided for me in more ways than I know or see. There have been a couple of things on my mind as of late. First, the shepherd at GCC, may he continue to be led by Your spirit and continue in speaking Your words. I do not see the vision he has, but it seems that he is walking in Your ways. My brothers and sisters at GCC, may they continue to grow and mature in You. I pray that we may all continue to learn how to invest in other people, because they will be the only investment with eternal returns. LOL. I don’t know about praying for an hour. Maybe I need to work on my listening skills again: “Speak, Lord. Your servant is listening.” One of my friends decided she believes in You. I’m torn between encouraging her or pushing her back to counting the cost of following You, Lord. Help! Maybe a gospel presentation is in order… Ya think? I’ve decided my strength lies in my bluntness and pursuit of truth. My weakness lies in my vision and empathy for the feelings of those around me. You’ve brought me to this crossroad and seems to me halted me there. What is Your will? I spoke with a friend for the first time in a couple of months, so refreshing… How is it that some brothers and sisters are so tiring to talk to and others seem to understand after just a couple of mins? Is it me? or is it my friend? both? My family group rocks. It’s amazing how good fellowship is after you’ve been through a desert of unbelievers & mockers. Help me not take them for granted. I haven’t really had some bible study time everyday. I’ve been reading lots of other books and just meditating on verses that “pop” into my head. Where do I need to grow? And yea, solitude has been missing again as of late. Maybe it’s time to step back from the crowds and just chill with You, mano al dios again. This good results comming from bad situations idea is kinda freaking me out… a bit. How is it that we celebrate the torture, death and resurrection of an innocent man? I know why Jesus died for us, but it’s so… weird. Whoever thinks Jesus is some sort of made-up character needs to step back to check out how Jesus acts, He’s stranger than fiction. Sheesh, I suck at story writing and I could’ve made a more “believable” character. Anyway, things are going well right now. I may be losing occasional battles, but You’ve already won the war. Help me to live that way. I ask these things in the name of the awesome sin-eater, Jesus. Amen.

== Edit: ==

I had another girl cry on me again. Man, it sucks to have someone cry that you can’t really comfort or calm or somehow make better. and for those random thoughts…

Cell phone service: about $45
Losing about 2 hrs sleep: about $26 (opportunity cost)
Prayer partners: 6 phone calls.
Encouraging a sibling in Christ: PRICELESS~!

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The perfect gift for control freaks

“We just have to get used to the fact that we don’t have many more genes than a worm,” Rubin said.

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