Saturday December 14, 2002

~Emotions~

When I was young, I learned to hold in my anger. Anger was wrong. I learned that to love was to get hurt. Logic and reason were the only valid things. Emotions were just things you used to manipulate people. To make people do what you wanted… I learned to always stay in control of my emotions. And if a emotion didn’t make sense, then it wasn’t valid.

I got older. I learned to keep people at a distance. I could make them feel comfortable. Things never got to me. I told myself that logic and reason were very good guides and emotions meant nothing. I can see now that I was deluding myself. Looking back, you almost always see the mistakes you’ve made. I was unfeeling and to quote a friend: “a cold-hearted bastard.” Sympathy? Compassion? I didn’t give them a second thought.

I got into a romantic relationship. She taught me about things that you can’t learn about from books. Things that defy logic. She turned me back into blood and flesh. And now, I feel. I feel anger and I don’t stifle it. I learned about love. I learned about sadness, depression, disappointment. But with all the bad, also came all the good. I learned about compassion, kindness, consideration. She and I have gone our seperate ways, but I don’t regret being with her. She hurt me, hurt me so much I could’ve sworn she ripped my heart in two. She’s brought so much color into what used to be my black and white world of logic & reason… right & wrong. But most of all, I’ve learned this: The ones who are closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. Enemies don’t really scare me. The most they can do is take my life.

What do you look for in someone special? (Me and some friends were talking about it…)
(Not in any particular order)

1. Confidence (it’s not just your looks…)
2. Intelligence (yes, brains count.)
3. Loving (1 Corinthians 13)
4. Trustworthy (duh, I think we can figure this one out..)
5. Good communication (when problems come up, will I hear about them before everyone else does?)
6. God (Are we headed in the same direction?)
7. Smile (I cannot explain this one..)
8. Strong ( a partner, not just a girl to hang off my arm… )
9. Self-sufficient ( if you can’t take care of yourself, getting into a relationship won’t help. )

hahaha, this looks so much like a singles ad. But it’s not, so don’t even think about it. You know who you are. ^.^ If it was meant to be, then God will let me meet her in due time. Better go work on myself, so I can be ready if and when the time comes. ^_^;;

I pray that everyone will have a touching and beautiful Sunday. Take advantage of the 24 hours given to you each day. Don’t let the day pass you by. God’s will be done on earth. Let us be tools for Him in whom all our hopes are placed,

Amen