Traveling

~ The grass is greener on the other side of the fence? ~

     I’ve never really been the clubbing type. I rarely party, although I do enjoy dancing. I drink occassionally, but I’ve never really gotten drunk. Tipsy, yes. Kinda strange to lose your sense of balance and watch the world tilt side to side… Blacked-out-can’t-remember-what-I-did-last-nite-drunk… no. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life in the “fast lane”, fast women included, of course… and I think it would probably be something like the song I included below. I like the song and the fact that it talks about a lifestyle completely contrary to what I enjoy; doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the music…

== Alcohol by Barenaked Ladies ==

Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health

I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol.
Forget the caffe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea
A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me
Alcohol, Your songs resolve like my life never will
When someone else is picking up the bill

I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol.
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself, I’ll use something else

I thought that alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there’s a time and there’s a place where I can choose to walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse

I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol.
Would you please ignore that you found me on the floor trying on your camisole?
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself, I’ll use something else.

Would you please forgive me
Would you please forgive me

~ Stillness ~

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

— Psalm 46:10 —

I was planning to write about this, I think, about 2 weeks ago… but things come up that seem to be more fitting so… call it a delayed message. ^_^

     I was helping around the house. Me and my dad recently had a breakthrough and God touched me though the things my dad was telling me, even though he doesn’t really know my God. (Another story..) I was dodging my family responsibilities… Anyway, I was helping around on a Saturday: cleaning & organizing the basement, helping move heavy stuff, cleaning & maintaining the house. When I was done, it felt good to have gotten all that stuff done on a Saturday. Imagine that… enjoying work again. I hadn’t felt that in awhile…

     I walked upstairs. I was thinking about all the work we had accomplished during that afternoon when suddenly, I was caught up in a moment. I cannot explain it. There were dust motes dancing in the sunlight. The sounds of my parents downstairs became muted. I could almost feel the silent stillness within the room. I felt/thought about my God. The One who knew about each dust mote dancing in my vision, each hair upon my head… every cell in my body. I was hit by this feeling of awe unlike anything I’ve ever had. Wow, dust motes… Even today, I feel like these words are poor substitutes for what happened. All I can do is Thank God and sit in awe…

— Pray request —

Father, my sister is moving. Moving into church. She wants to take up construction as a career. She wants to help with the construction project at ALCMC. Lord, I don’t know if this is the best path for her, but you know what is best. Let Your will be done, Lord. If she finds success in this endeavor, let it be by Your will and not by our strength. Give her wisdom and perseverance, Lord. I pray all this in the name of He who died so we could have life,

Amen

~Emotions~

When I was young, I learned to hold in my anger. Anger was wrong. I learned that to love was to get hurt. Logic and reason were the only valid things. Emotions were just things you used to manipulate people. To make people do what you wanted… I learned to always stay in control of my emotions. And if a emotion didn’t make sense, then it wasn’t valid.

I got older. I learned to keep people at a distance. I could make them feel comfortable. Things never got to me. I told myself that logic and reason were very good guides and emotions meant nothing. I can see now that I was deluding myself. Looking back, you almost always see the mistakes you’ve made. I was unfeeling and to quote a friend: “a cold-hearted bastard.” Sympathy? Compassion? I didn’t give them a second thought.

I got into a romantic relationship. She taught me about things that you can’t learn about from books. Things that defy logic. She turned me back into blood and flesh. And now, I feel. I feel anger and I don’t stifle it. I learned about love. I learned about sadness, depression, disappointment. But with all the bad, also came all the good. I learned about compassion, kindness, consideration. She and I have gone our seperate ways, but I don’t regret being with her. She hurt me, hurt me so much I could’ve sworn she ripped my heart in two. She’s brought so much color into what used to be my black and white world of logic & reason… right & wrong. But most of all, I’ve learned this: The ones who are closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. Enemies don’t really scare me. The most they can do is take my life.

What do you look for in someone special? (Me and some friends were talking about it…)
(Not in any particular order)

1. Confidence (it’s not just your looks…)
2. Intelligence (yes, brains count.)
3. Loving (1 Corinthians 13)
4. Trustworthy (duh, I think we can figure this one out..)
5. Good communication (when problems come up, will I hear about them before everyone else does?)
6. God (Are we headed in the same direction?)
7. Smile (I cannot explain this one..)
8. Strong ( a partner, not just a girl to hang off my arm… )
9. Self-sufficient ( if you can’t take care of yourself, getting into a relationship won’t help. )

hahaha, this looks so much like a singles ad. But it’s not, so don’t even think about it. You know who you are. ^.^ If it was meant to be, then God will let me meet her in due time. Better go work on myself, so I can be ready if and when the time comes. ^_^;;

I pray that everyone will have a touching and beautiful Sunday. Take advantage of the 24 hours given to you each day. Don’t let the day pass you by. God’s will be done on earth. Let us be tools for Him in whom all our hopes are placed,

Amen

~ The road of life ~

Lord God, I pray that on the road of life, I may be a rumble strip, but never a speed bump. May I be a warning to those who are in danger, but not become an obstacle to those around me. If the will of God is for me to be irritating, let it be so. If my brother or sister is on the right path, let me be a wind blowing on their backs. If I find someone wandering down the path that leads to death, let me be a sound warning, even to the point of anger. Each and everyday, help me to choose to be a rumble strip, instead of a speed bump. I pray all this in Jesus name.

Amen.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.”

— Matthew 5:11 —

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God – even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

— 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 —

What do you want for christmas?

     When I step back from all the gift-giving, all the insane amounts of shopping, all the cooking and preparation, I find that the things I really want don’t come in handy wrapped packages. Matter of fact, you can’t buy any of them. I want Love. (That doesn’t necessarily mean that Someone Special either.) Does it get any simpler than that? If you happen to figure out how to wrap love and give it to me, then I’d be very impressed. Till then, happy shopping and a happy christmas. Don’t lose focus on the reason for the season. Regardless of whether you believe in Jesus or not, Christmas is about LOVE~! So in everything you do, show your love for one another. ^_^

~ Depression ~
(nothing more than feelings…)

I am deep in a blue abyss. There is no logic, no reason to it. I know what I could do to help alleviate it. Do something physical, get outside, treat yourself to something nice, get social… But somehow, I want or need to ride this one through.

I’m immersed in a deep and intrinsic sadness…. just the idea of calling this “the blues” makes me want to laugh sarcastically… This isn’t just “the blues“… it’s depression, a silent killer. This is what makes people commit suicide. It drives people to the edge and some people just give up. I don’t know where it comes from. All I know is that it is affecting everything I touch.

My brain contains nothing to defend against it. I feel intensely lonely… even while I know my Lord is beside me. Who knows the heart of man? I don’t even know my own that well… Science cannot begin to describe this, because there are not words that can do… I feel the overwhelming need to cry… every little bittersweet thought… every slightly sad story makes my eyes mist. But I can’t… either I cannot, or I will not… I know not which.

My heart is heavy and I wish to find someone to share the burden… but today is a busy day… just like every other day is a busy day. I feel despair and I know that right now… I could strike out at someone with venom… with spite. Does anyone know about this? Not until after I tell someone… Nobody knows, but Jesus. No one. Are you your brother’s keeper?

~ Forsaken… ~

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” – which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

— Matthew 27:46 —

     Jesus knows of a separation from God that we will never know. The physical torture, the heaping of insults… and then the worse part comes when God leaves Jesus alone. A spiritual disconnection that seems to have hurt Him more than all the physical torture. He took our sins onto Himself and became a sacrifice… a final atonement. Paying the wage for sin, which is death and seperation from God. Paying it so that we could have eternal life through Him. So when you experience a loss that leaves you reeling, God understands… He understands more than you know. For us… because of what Jesus has done… it will be forever:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

— Romans 8:38-39 —

Can I get a ” *~Praise the LORD!~* ” ?

^_^

The last email that ripped my heart out reminded me of this email I had sitting around. I don’t approve of email chains. So I didn’t forward it on… but I think this place is suitable. For those who are faint of heart.. I warn you to stop reading now… This email doesn’t pull any punches at all.

~ FW: what wonderous love: ~

What is crucifixion? A medical doctor provides a physical description:

The cross is placed on the ground and the exhausted man is quickly thrown backwards with his shoulders against the wood.

The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist.

He drives a heavy, square wrought-iron nail through the wrist deep into the wood.

Quickly he moves to the other side and repeats the action, being careful not to pull the arms too tightly, but to allow some flex and movement.

The cross is then lifted into place.

The left foot is pressed backward against the right foot, and with both feet extended, toes down, a nail is driven through the arch of each, leaving the knees flexed.

The victim is now crucified.

As he slowly sags down with more weight on the nails in the wrists, excruciating fiery pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain- the nails in the wrists are putting pressure on the median nerves.

As he pushes himself upward to avoid this stretching torment, he places the full weight on the nail through his feet.

Again he feels the searing agony of the nail tearing through the nerves between the bones of his feet.

As the arms fatigue, cramps sweep through his muscles, knotting them with deep relentless, throbbing pain.

With these cramps comes the inability to push himself upward to breathe.

Air can be drawn into the lungs but not exhaled.

He fights to raise himself in order to get even one small breath. Finally, carbon dioxide builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream, and the cramps partially subsided.

Spasmodically, he is able to push himself upward to exhale and bring in life-giving oxygen.

Hours of limitless pain,cycles of twisting, joint-rentng cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation,searing pain as tissue is torn from his lacerated back as he moves up and down against rough timber.

Then another agony begins: a deep, crushing pain deep in the chest as the pericardium slowly fills with serium and begins to compress the heart.

It is now almost over – the loss of tissue fluids has reached a critical level-the compressed heart is struggling to pump heavy, thick, sluggish blood into the tissues – the tortured lungs are making frantic effort to gasp in small gulps of air.

He can feel the chill of death creeping through his tissues… Finally, he can allow his body to die…

All this the Bible records w/ the simple words,”and they crucified
him”(Mark 15:24).

What wonderous love is this?  Because of the brutality, crucifixion was given a sentence to only its worst offenders of the law. Thieves, murderers, and rapists would be the types of creeps who got crucified. Yet here, Jesus is being crucified between two hardened criminals. What did Jesus do? Did he murder anyone? Did he steal anything? We all know the answer to that question. Jesus did nothing to deserve this type of death, yet he went willing to die, in between 2 thieves who did deserve their death, so that we might be saved. And there, in between the sinners, was our slain savior for our sins. Do you believe this?

Thank you, Jess…

So undeserving. So ungrateful. What do I know of Love? of Sacrifice? Nothing… nothing at all.

~ Parable of the Four Soils ~

Then he told them many things in parables, saying:  “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop – a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. He was has ears, let him hear.”

— Matthew 13:3-9 —

~ Jesus explains the parable ~

“Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and down not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The once who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.”

— Matthew 13:10-23 —

Actual verse and ha256’s interpretation/thoughts to come later….

— Later —

What kind of soil am I? God, I pray that I am the last… If I am not, change me Lord. Dig up all the BS in my life for fertilizer if it would do some good. I am fearful of being rocky soil… Please Lord let it not be so…

~~– Crushed by an email forward –~~

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She  looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. “My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone  went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:  I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!  I wish I did too… I thought to my self, and I cried.

This rips a hole deep inside… I remember not saying things I meant to say… too late. The moment is gone and no more chances to say the things I felt, the people I felt for… but at least I no longer do that. ^_^ my crushes know it alright….

Thanks Kelly…

== pingchiehgrace, I think God’s talking to me about you behind your back… *chuckles* ==

I asked for another touching verse… and received a selection that didn’t seem to be designed to touch me… I guess I forgot to ask for one to touch me specifically… ^.^;;

Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me; all day long they press their attack. My slanderers pursue me all day long; many are attacking me in their pride.

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

All day long they twist my words; they are always plotting to harm me. The conspire, they lurk, they watch my steps, eager to take my life.

On no account let them escape; in your anger, O God, bring down the nations. Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll – are they not in your record?

Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise – in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you. For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Psalm 56

So I say again… if God is with us, who can be against us? So what should we be worried about? worry about God’s view of you. Worry about living according to God’s word. Worry about the things of God. I think that if things are beautiful between you and God, the rest of your life will follow.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God…” makes a little more sense yes? Thanks HaHaCinCin

~~ Random Christmassy jingle running around my head~~

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And I’ve bought some corn for popping.
The lights are turned way down low.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm!
But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home, I’ll be warm
The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we’re still goodbye-ing
But as long as you love me so,

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

~God gives me the second part of His personal “1-2 combo”~
::Second part to Mourning the wages of Sin::

Psalm 49

More to come at a later time…

— Later Time —

“No man can redeem the life of another or give to God a ransom for him – the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever enough…”
Verses 7-8

Money… pursue it and you leave this world empty-handed regardless… So the rich and the poor are alike in this…

“But man, despite his riches, does not endure; he is like the beats that perish. This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings.”
Verses 12-13

Those who trust in themselves…
I think this speaks about those who trust in their own logic. In their own wisdom and intelligence… I am one of those… I think this is a warning to those who think they can handle the world by themselves. They need nothing and no one. Can you honestly trust your “common sense” to be right? When we are given a choice between following God’s teaching and our own experience/knowledges/”common sense” which do you trust in? Where is your faith?

(How is this a 1-2 combo?)

1. The first lesson about turning from sin hit me in the gut. My heart aches just thinking about what my sin did to me….
(GUT PUNCH)

2. This 2nd lesson is about intelligence/ wisdom/ knowledge and putting your faith in God instead of trusting that I can handle everything. The logical part of me reels at the thought… Trust in God, because trusting in myself will not get me anywhere…
(RIGHT HOOK TO THE HEAD)